‘Dance Moms’ Battles ‘Toddlers and Tiaras’ for Title of Ultimate Grand Supreme Trash TV

When you think of bitchy stage mothers and little girls dressed to the nines in the latest from Pedophiles R Us, you probably think of TLC’s “Toddlers & Tiaras.”

But the Women in Peril Network wants to change all that.

In a new show called “Dance Moms” that premieres July 13 on Lifetime, revered Pittsburgh dance instructor Abby Lee Miller (who looks like she hasn’t danced since maybe the Clinton era) dons metaphorical devil’s horns and takes over where TV villain Jillian Michaels left off.

The premise is a simple one: Browbeat a group of young girls until they dance well enough to win a national title for the Abby Lee Dance Company.

Ms. Lee has a phenomenally crappy website revealing her dancers have won such prestigious titles as Miss Dance of PA, but former student Miranda Maleski did make the Top 20 on this season’s “So You Think You Can Dance.” So there’s that.

Anyway, Lifetime is airing its own promos of “Dance Moms” (above), but it’s also provided a longer preview to Radar Online that shows what we’ve all come to know and loathe about these types of shows — tons of melodrama, histrionic moms, and whiny little girls in costumes better suited for someone who just came off the second shift in the Red Light District shaking their tiny little backsides in routines the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders rejected for being “slutty and stuff.”

The clip depicts maternal units screaming at each other, Miller barking “I can make you, or I can break you” all Debbie Allen-like, and a Mother of the Year contender who says (and I quote): “[If my daughter] comes to me and says that she wants to play softball, Ill probably slit my wrists.

In other words, RATINGS GOLD, people!

Don’t pretend you aren’t counting down the days until this little gem makes its mark on the television landscape.